Do We Measure Up?

Gordy Taylor is not a deep thinker or much of a scholar, but the guy does read a newspaper and a couple of magazines. Recently, while watching a daily news/commentary tv program, guest David Brooks talked about an article he wrote, “How America Got Mean” that will appear in the September edition of The Atlantic Monthly. I am a bit of a “Brooks fan” and enjoy his Friday night editorial segment on the PBS News Hour.  Brooks is an opinion columnist for The New York Times and often seems to “speak to me.”  I enjoy his writing.

The thrust of his article was that Americans have lost their moral compass and are no longer taught how to treat others with kindness and consideration and that we are becoming sad, alienated, and rude. Specifically, he supposes we are lacking elementary social skills like character formation and building friendships. Brooks mentions a study where the use of words often used in popular conversation were analyzed and that words like honor, courage, bravery, humility, and other words of virtue are used less today than when we were growing up. Social media in all its various forms has made us more political and to an extent has replaced religion, the family, schools, community organizations, and workplace in making us the people we are today.  Brooks relays talking to a restaurant owner who has had to eject a customer for rude and cruel behavior once a week which never used to happen.  A head nurse at a hospital told him that her staff are leaving the profession because patients have become so abusive.  In 2020 hate crimes rose to their highest level in 12 years.

Could this be true and sadly, to an extent, it appears it is with the general public.  A  large segment of the population seems to have allowed that “devil on one shoulder” to be over riding the “angel on the other.”  And then I thought about the readers of this blog and our friends and family and I said, “Wait a minute, not the people I know.  I can see your faces, and we have been taught to show up for one another, to reflexibly do those small and big acts of kindness, to reach out to help others in their time of need—simply stated to be present.”  

Diane and I have been recipients of many acts of kindness where people have “shown up.”  In 2010 when I was diagnosed with base of tongue cancer, friends and family called, visited, drove me to radiation treatments, sent letters, offered guidance, prayed, gave books, encouraged us, and many more gestures.  I had visitors travel short and long distances by car, motorcycle, train, and even a small plane—thanks Frank!  Friends Frank and Mary Stanley sent individual food portions to Diane, so she could eat more nutritious meals since I had PEG, my first feeding tube.  Boy, no meanness during that time.

At a Blackhawks hockey game in 2018, Diane took a tumble down the metal stairs resulting in TWO broken ankles which resulted in extensive surgery.  We didn’t even get to hear Jim Cornelison sing the national anthem!  However, Rush Hospital was close by.  Claude Monet had his series of haystacks; over the next three months, Diane had her series of toe to knee casts on both legs.  First the hospital, next a rehab facility near Chicago’s Magnificent Mile, and finally a hospital bed set up in our main floor family room in Macomb!  Friends and family began to “show up” for the Taylors.  Just a few examples of acts of kindness and unselfish gestures and caring for Diane:  hand-built ramp (thanks Barb & Matt McRaven) because she couldn’t walk into our home, prayer shawl from our Methodist church, minister visits, presents that made her feel comfortable, special blankets & sweaters, lotions, gift certificates.  Our neighbor, Greg Mason, installed a hand railing in our powder room. 

Diane has said many times, “Gordy is an excellent caretaker, cleaner, washer of clothes but not exactly a cook except his homemade delicious Taylor fudge.”  But she couldn’t get stronger on fudge alone.  No problem having nutritious meals!  Diane’s good friends, Barb McRaven and Jill Bainter, set up an app called Meal Train for others to sign up to bring us a meal a day.  WOW!  No shortage of kindness acts for us.  She was not ill; she was bedridden and couldn’t walk from her January tumble to the middle of March.  Approximately 30 people brought over delicious meals.  They would stay awhile and visit which was welcomed.  Another of her friends, Cathy Null, was in Florida but still arranged for us to call Vitale’s for a carryout dinner. 

I get the point David Brooks is making and it is troubling. Vast numbers of us have lost our way, our ethical compasses have been broken, we are not the people we could or should be but not you and not me. We were raised at a time when the very words Brooks refers to as virtuous were part of our daily lexicon and either our teachers, nuns, priests, Boy Scout, Girl Scout, and 4-H leaders, pastors, fellow Rotarians, Kiwanians, YMCA volunteers etc. or some combination of the above were there to help us develop the character formation we possess today. 

I heartily agreed when Brooks talked about who we should be in terms of our societal responsibility. He quotes a writer who addresses the topic of what is expected of the young minds who attended the Stowe School in England who said the teachers were raising future citizens who were “acceptable at a dance but invaluable in a shipwreck.”  In other words, people with a modicum of “social polish but who will know how to show up in a time of crisis.”  Those words reverberated within my mind, and I thought, yes, those are the people I know, I care about, who are part of my 4th Quarter of life. 

Are we judgmental? I assume to a degree.  However, we are also caring, responsible, prudent, and honest. We try and do the right thing by setting a visible example of how to live a life of meaning and worth to our children, grandchildren, and now I’m told, for some of you, great grandchildren.  David Brooks makes a salient and significant argument, just not one that is germane to my subset of the world’s population and for that, I am grateful. My universe is inhabited by individuals who treat others with kindness, consideration, and compassion.  To answer the question “Do We Measure Up?” YES, we do!