Because She’s My Friend

Thanksgiving is my favorite time of the year and a time to do just that, “be thankful” and for all of us lucky enough to have made it to the 4th Quarter of our lives, take a few minutes to reflect on your many blessings. Think about that for just a minute. We all have our challenges as we age, and health is surely one of them. But if you ever feel “blue,” close your eyes and think of the kids at St. Jude’s in Memphis and suddenly that gives your own health concerns some perspective. As long-time good buddy, Mike Burke, has reminded us many times, “it could be much worse.”

With the thought of “giving” in mind, I happened to come across a Western News “Across the Miles” column I wrote in 2001, and it demonstrates this construct perfectly. I will let it speak for itself.

I entered the house as I frequently do Monday through Friday at 5:25 p.m. prepared to get my daily dose of the evening news.  Today would be different.  Diane met me at the door and said she taped something from the “Oprah Winfrey Show,” and she wanted me to see it.  I moaned.  “I’m a guy, I don’t watch Oprah, I need to watch the news.”  I took a second look at Diane then promptly sat down on the couch to watch the tape.  There would be no evening news tonight.

For the next 15 minutes, the story on tape reaffirmed why we exist on this planet.  There, on TV on Oprah, was Western graduate Gayle Johnson Conolty ’79 and member of Sigma, Sigma, Sigma sorority, and her good friend and cancer survivor Pam O’Malley talking openly about Pam’s ordeal.  Oprah was doing a program on cancer survivors and the people who had helped them.  Oprah referred to these individuals as “angels without wings,” Gayle is married to former WIU quarterback Kevin Conolty ’79 and resides in Batavia, IL.  They are parents of daughters Karolyn, Kristin, and Kimberly and son Cameron.  Pete and Pam O’Malley also live in Batavia and are parents of four daughters:  Meghan, Erin, Maureen, and Eileen.  I know daughter Meghan as she was a member of Western’s Student Alumni Council.

Gayle and Pam became friends, but how close they would become, neither of them probably ever knew.  In December 1999, Pam was diagnosed with breast cancer and after surgery and chemotherapy, the attempt at a mastectomy reconstruction did not go well.  Pam had an incision 5 inches across, 4 inches down, and 2 inches deep in her chest.  You could have put a man’s wallet or a deck of playing cards in that hole.  As I watched the Oprah tape, I started to cry.  This visual hit me like a ton of bricks.  I thought of my own wife and daughter and then of my mom’s terribly scarred body after she had a lung removed during her battle with tuberculosis.  As I watched Pam, I was amazed at her strength, her determination to recover, her will to live, and the incredible power of her friendship with Gayle.

For weeks, Gayle came to Pam’s house at 7:30 a.m., 2:30 p.m., and 10 p.m. to change the dressing on Pam’s wound.  Pam relates it was simply too much for her family to address; they just couldn’t do all that needed to be done.  It was Gayle, who as Pam says, “Provided certainty in an uncertain time.  She was my everything.”

The tape ended; I called Gayle.  A week later I was sitting at her kitchen table sipping a lemonade visiting both Gayle and Pam.  The two women were very much at ease; I was not.  The conversation was direct as they talked about what had become their mutual ordeal.  The words mutilation, ugly, depressed, scared, painful, and fear literally cut through the air.  This was not a story for the faint of heart, but it was gripping.

I learned that each time Gayle came to Pam’s house, the two friends would talk about kids, the news, school, anything but cancer.  They found humor in the oddest places.  One morning after a drive to chemotherapy treatment in Chicago (yes, Gayle did that too) the two women sat alone in a hospital room.  As Pam sat on the bed where she would receive treatment, Gayle began to push buttons to adjust the bed—height, curvature—you get the picture.  When the doctor entered the room, he was not amused and told Gayle to treat her mother better.  The two ladies broke out in howls of laughter as they are about the same age.

While Gayle would listen to Pam, she never allowed her friend to wallow in pity; there were more important things to do, like make the best of a difficult situation.  During the taping, Oprah asked Gayle why she did it; why three times a day, seven days a week for six weeks followed by five months of chemotherapy she did what she did.  She replied quietly but forcefully, “Because Pam is my friend.”  As in the holiday “It’s a Wonderful Life,” Oprah closed her show by referring to the Gayle Conoltys of the world as “angels who just don’t have their wings yet.” 

Sadly, Pam O’Malley passed away in 2007 but her inspiring story lives on.  Noted CBS-TV commentator Charles Kuralt once said, “It does no harm once in a while to acknowledge that the whole country isn’t in flames; that there are people in this country besides politicians, entertainers, and criminals.” People like Gayle Conolty.

 A life worth living is about people who make it so for each of us.  Think about it.  Can you name 10 people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize?  The last five Heisman trophy winners?  The chief executive officers of five Fortune 500 firms?  Probably not.  Most of us don’t remember yesterday’s headliners.  Yes, they were the best in their respective fields, but their importance to us diminishes over time. 

 Now take a moment and list the people you can always count on, the people who were always there for you, the person who taught you to swim or read or ride a bike.  These are the real heroes in your life; people who, in some way, will remain with you forever.  Gayle Conolty shows us that we can all make a difference.  What are you doing to make a difference? 

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.