Friendship

Friendship

“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.” Abraham Lincoln. We’ve all heard that phrase but I never knew it was attached to the 16th President. He obviously was a deep thinker but then he had a nation to save so suppose we shouldn’t be surprised. When you examine his words a bit more closely, it’s clear that we pretty much are in control of how we view the world and everything in it. I spent a good portion of my youth doing yard work to make a little money and the man I worked for the most was Sidney Albee. He lived across the street and in 1958 was paying 12 year old Gordy Taylor the vast sum of $5 an hour. He had 100 roses and he was very proud of them but each of those roses had thorns and you simply couldn’t cultivate around them without losing a little blood. While I didn’t enjoy that aspect of my time spent in Mr. Albee’s back yard, I certainly came to appreciate the compliments we garnered when we would win Top Prize award year after year at local contests. I can assure you, the awards would not have been forthcoming had a little blood not been shed along the way. Bottom line-it was worth the effort and since that time I’ve come to understand that good things happen to us sometimes in proportion to the sacrifices we make to earn them.

When I was the “alumni guy” at Western, I had the good fortune to be called upon to speak around the country at various regional and national meetings. It was clear to me that my good fortune was less due to the depth of whatever remarks I might make but rather that they were generally simplistic, easy to understand, and from the heart. I was more of a story teller about the foibles of life than I was a purveyer of deep and profound thoughts. It worked for me. Two of my favorites had to do with starfish and ponies. One has to do with helping others and the other with the importance of a positive mental attitude, a topic we members of the 4th Quarter sometimes have trouble maintaining. Truth be known, I borrowed the starfish story from George Herbert Walker Bush (#41) who no doubt borrowed it from someone else.

A young boy was walking along the beach when he happened upon thousands of starfish washed up on shore to their certain demise. He stopped and began throwing them back into the water one at a time. As life would have it, a gruff, cranky old man happened by and said, “Why are you wasting your time doing that? There are thousands of them. It won’t make a difference.” The young boy turned to the man, smiled, and said, “It makes a difference to this one and to this one and to this one” as he continued tossing them back into the sea. The point is really pretty simple. We can all do little things to improve the lot of our fellow man. It doesn’t have to be anything huge it just has to be and we shouldn’t lose sight of that.

As for that pony, my source here is anonymous, who I’m told was a very great writer and teller of stories. A nice Mom had twin sons. One was always dour and unhappy and the other, the eternal optomist. As their birthdays approached, she sought out advice from her pediatrician. “What do I do with these guys?” She was told, give Mr. Negativity whatever he wants-candy bars, a bike, video games, anything he wants. “What do I do with my optomist?” The response surprised her. “Put him in a room full of manure’ WHAT, but she complied. She looked in on the pessimist who had everything and he was complaining saying that none of this was what he wanted. Then she opened the door and looked in on the son with a room full of manure and could not believe her eyes. He was standing there going through the manure, his hands and hair full of manure. She exclaimed, “What are you doing?” to which he briskly replied. “Oh Mom, I just know there has to be a pony in here somewhere.” The message is simple. Look for clouds and the dark side of things and you will most surely find them but search a little harder with a smile on your face and rainbows and ponies will surely be yours. The choice is up to you.

Finally, and this is one of my favorite inspirational stories that came from somewhere within the deep recesses of my colleagues who were members of the Council of Alumni Association Executives. We are a unique band of retired professionals who have, for the most part, never lost sight of what’s important in life. I tip my hat to each of them for their wisdom, kindness, and understanding of the best that is the human condition.

A newlywed young man was sitting on the porch with his father on a hot, humid day, sipping ice tea. As he talked about adult life, marriage, responsibilities, and obligations, the father thoughtfully stirred the ice cubes in his glass and cast a clear, sober look at his son.” Never forget your friends,” he advised, “they will become more important as you get older.” “Regardless of how much you love your family and the children you happen to have, you will always need friends. Remember to go out with them occasionally, do activities with them, call them.” “What strange advice!” thought the young man. “I just entered the married world, I am an adult, and surely my wife and the family that we will start will be every thing I need to make sense of my life.”

Yet he obeyed his father, kept in touch with his friends and annually increased their number. Over the years, he became aware that his father knew what he was talking about. In as much as time and nature carry out their designs and mysteries, friends were the bulwarks of his life. After 60 years of life, here is what he learned:

Time passes. Life goes on.

The distance separates.

Children grow up.

Children cease to be children and become independent.

Jobs come and go.

Illusions, desires, attraction, sex, …weaken.

The parents die. Colleagues forget the favors.

The races are over.

But, true friends are always there, no matter how long or how many miles away they are. When we started this adventure called LIFE, we did not know of the incredible joys and sorrows that were ahead. We did not know how much we would need each other.Love your parents, take care of your children, but remember to keep a good group of friends.Stay connected to your friends, even those you seldom see, as they help make sense of life and will always be there for you.

To me, and I know Diane, family trumps all and they remain our raison d’etre. But don’t forget to cultivate some lasting friendships along the way.